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Mother's Helper
Little Susan was her mother's helper. She helped set the table
when company was due for dinner. Presently everything was on, the
guests came in, and everyone sat down. Then Mother noticed something
was missing.
"Susan," she said, "you didn't put a knife and
fork at Mr. Smith's place."
"I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susan.
"Daddy says he always eats like a horse!"
Funny Guys
Three comedians are shooting the breeze at the back of a
nightclub after a late gig. They've heard one another's material so
much, they've reached the point where they don't need to say the
jokes anymore to amuse each other -- they just need to refer to each
joke by a number.
"Number 37!" cracks the first comic, and the others
break up.
"Number 53!" says the second guy, and they howl.
Finally, it's the third comic's turn. "44!" he quips.
He gets nothing. Crickets.
"What?" he asks. "Isn't 44 funny?"
"Sure, it's usually hilarious," they answer. "But
the way you tell it..."
Who Says Rednecks Are Dumb?
"Hello, is this the sheriff's office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's
hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets
it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the sheriff's deputies descend on Virgil's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no
marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly, the phone rings
at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd. Did the sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy birthday, buddy!"
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